The brown eye won't let me do that either.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
