Banned from zoo.
Again?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
