Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
