Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
