Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
