I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
