I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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