I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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