wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
