I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
