I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize