i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
Randomize
