we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize