living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
