dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize