Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
