Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
