3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
