hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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