i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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