You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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