haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
