cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
