After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
