i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
