i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
