You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
