ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
