The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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