i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
