Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
