i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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