I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
