That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
