And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
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