I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
40s are totally the cure
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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