oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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