Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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