A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
