I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
