Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
