when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
