Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's the barista slut.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize