But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found puke in my bra..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
