So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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