i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
