the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
