Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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