she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
