Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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