How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
