Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
im on a boat
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