saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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