She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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