guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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