I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
