I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
