I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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