She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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