I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
