i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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