...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
